Funny thoughts in getting older

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative.  Age doesn't make you forgetful. Having way too many stupid things to remember makes you forgetful.

As you get older , a lot of thing you can encounter like in a bus.

Grandma in a bus

If you don't do anything stupid when you're young, you won't remember something funny when you're old.

Like nothing to worry,  it won’t forget anything

A couple in their nineties are both having some short term memory loss.

While in for a checkup, the physician says that physically they’re okay, but since they’re having trouble remembering things, they might want to start writing things down.

Later that evening they’re sitting and reading, when the husband gets up.

“Would you like anything from the kitchen?” he asks.

“Some vanilla ice cream,” his wife replies.

“Okay.”

“Shouldn’t you write it down so you don’t forget it?” she asks.

“Don’t worry, I won’t forget.”

“Well,” she says. “A few raspberries on top would be great. You want to write that down?”

“I’ve got it, honey. A bowl of vanilla ice cream with raspberries on top.”

“And chocolate sauce, too. Maybe you’ll forget that. Want me to write it down for you?”

A little miffed, he replies, “I’ve got it! Ice cream, raspberries and chocolate sauce. I don’t need it written down, for gosh sakes!”

He waddles out to the the kitchen. A half hour later, he comes back with a plate of ham and scrambled eggs, and gives it to his wife.

She stares at the plate a few seconds, then says, “You forgot my toast.”

Can be married for the fourth time

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time, senior lady joke.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.. "He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought... He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

Sweet call name like sugar babe and honey darling 

“Sugar why don’t you sit down by the table and we’ll start supper.” Said Maria to her Husband of 50 years. “Sure thing,” said her husband settling himself down.

 “Now darling, would you like the soup first or the salad?” Questioned Maria.

 “Umm I guess I’ll take the soup.” He responded.

 After a whole meal of one endearing term after another, their guest Mike couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer. Mike snuck into the kitchen and asked, “Maria do you always talk to your husband like that?” 

“Mike, I’ll be honest with you,” Maria replied. “It’s been five years now, I just can’t remember his name, and I am just too embarrassed to ask him!”

And the lord has made it much better

Sixty year old Bert went on to his annual checkup. The doctor asked him if he was still getting up in the middle of the night and going to the bathroom. 

       

He replied, "Yes But the lord has made it much better for me, He turns on the light when I go and He turns off the light when I am done."

       

The doctor replied, "Really!!"

       

 About and hour after that the doctor called Bert wife and said: He looks fine. But he said that God is making it better for him, when he gets up and goes to the bathroom during the night God turns on and off the light. 

       

 She replied, "that old fool he has been going to the bathroom in the refrigerator again."

And playing some fun game

On an overseas flight, a lawyer and an older man were in adjoining seats.

The lawyer asked the senior if he’d like to play a little game. The older man was tired, and he told the lawyer he only wanted to sleep.

But the lawyer insisted the game was a lot of fun.

“Here’s how it works,” he said. “I’ll ask you a question. If you can’t come up with the answer, you have to give me a dollar. Then it’s your turn to ask me one. But if I can’t answer it, I have to give you $20.”

The senior figured if he just got this over with, maybe he could get some sleep. So he agreed to play.

The first question from the lawyer was “How far apart are the earth and the moon?”

The senior stayed completely silent, reached for a dollar, and gave it to the lawyer. Then he said, “My turn. What walks upstairs backward and comes downstairs forward?”

The lawyer was stumped. He thought and thought. He tried to remember all the riddles he knew. He searched every corner of his brain.

He even cheated and asked the flight attendants and other passengers.

Finally he gave up. He woke up the older man and gave him a twenty. The senior stuffed the twenty in his coat and went immediately back to sleep.

The lawyer couldn’t stand it. He woke up the older man and said, “I have to know. What walks upstairs backward and comes downstairs forward?”

The senior got out his wallet, gave the lawyer a dollar, and went back to sleep.

And having the secret of a happy marriage 

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about laughter is the best medicine

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day, the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said. "That's the money I made from selling the dolls."

And when your old, you don't know what is Internet?

“C’mon Ma you have got to try it” I pleaded to my elderly Mother. I don’t know how my Mother lasted this long without ever using the internet, but enough was enough! I thought. 

“Ok” she said reluctantly settling down by the computer and slowly putting on her reading glasses “what do I do now?”

 “Now I’m going to open the home page of google”, I explained. “OK here it is! Now type in any question you want into the bar over here and you will find an answer to your question.” I confidently assured her. 

My Mother looked at me warily, thought for a second, and slowly began to type,  

How is Mike doing this morning?

And sometimes when your at the age you became straight the point...

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